Imagine a world where a family member has life threatening health issues and you are the only one who can provide care for that family member. That’s not a world I have to imagine as Cindy and I lived it for many years. I was not only the sole financial provider but became, essentially, a single parent to our three children and caregiver for Cindy when her health nearly took her life. It was a time when I literally felt the weight of the world pressing down on my shoulders. We didn’t have family around to help so I had to lean into my faith and draw strength from the only source I could: God.
To be perfectly honest, leaning into God’s strength didn’t come as naturally in that time as it does today. I knew God was there giving me strength and I knew He was providing but knowledge sometimes isn’t enough. I prayed exhaustively for Cindy to be healed, for God to bring it to an end, but what I see today is that it wasn’t in His plan at the time to end it. What I know now is that God was using this experience to shape and mold us for what is still yet to come and I believe God has great things in store.
Regardless of what the future holds, going through the experience was painful. I remember one night when Cindy was in the hospital, and after the kids were down to sleep, I decided to watch a movie. I pulled up our movie list and despite my love for action movies, “A Beautiful Mind” stood out, so I decided to watch it. The movie is about a man with schizophrenia (John Nash) whose visions blurred so much into reality, he was losing control. At one point in the story, an old family friend meets up with his wife and asks how she is. She responds and says, “I’m fine,” and starts talking about daily routines. He stops her and asks her again, “How are you?” She paused for a moment, and her next words rang out so clearly with me I just sat and cried. She said she felt like it was more of an obligation but then there were times when she would force herself to see the man she fell in love with and, for a moment, she fell back in love with him. It was how I was feeling but never understood how to express it.
God has plenty to say in the Bible about caregiving. While that word is not specifically mentioned, the number of references are numerous. Probably the most impactful reference is in Matthew 25:35-40 where Jesus is talking about separating the sheep from the goats (those going to Heaven versus hell). Jesus says, “For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me. Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’”
Other references talk about taking care of family members, widows, orphans, the sick and the poor. Jesus even rebuked the religious leaders who found loopholes to avoid supporting their parents (Matthew 15:3-9; Mark 7:9-13; start Mark 7 in verse 5 for context). When Jesus summarized the law into two commandments, the second was to love your neighbor as yourself. That’s what Jesus was saying in Matthew. If you continue on after verse 40, you read where Jesus condemns those who did not provide care for Him.
So, what does this say to us who are forced into a caregiver role? Simply put, we have to apply compassion to those we care for. I referenced Matthew 11:28-30 last week, but it very much applies to caregiving: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” I know, that’s easy to say but many times, super hard to do. Next week, I’ll focus on self-care, which is a critical aspect of being a caregiver. If you find yourself in this circumstance today, hold onto what Jesus said and check back next week for tips on taking care of yourself.